Take Responsibility

After the mass and reception for Matteo's memorial we followed Flora and her family home. There we were with the inner core of Flora's friends, the people who knew her, Matteo and Gill. Flora spoke about Matteo and told some funny stories and we looked at photos of a party of when she came to visit with Matteo. At the house there were two very good friends of Flora. We were sure we had never met, but Flora showed photos of us all at the same party. I really felt bad that we spent so much time going over the story of Matteo's death. There was no peace in that house, everyone was incensed. All the things Cindy, Kevin and I had notice about Gill's attitude and actions were also noted by everyone else. And what was more scary were the stories everyone had about how many other poor choices Gill had made over the years; no child car seat, leaving him alone on a high balcony, throwing him so high when he was a baby...it was tragic to hear.

With inheritance from his rich father Gill had employed a lawyer in an attempt to get sole custody of Matteo. He had disagreed with every decision Flora had for Matteo. Everything had to be decided in front of a judge. Thousands of dollars have been spent having a judge make the overall decision. One thing in particular Gill disagreed about was the choice to have Matteo attend a Catholic school. Recently Gill had joined a Spiritual Life church and we presume he was planning to establish himself as a more spiritual person than Flora so Matteo could be placed in a non-Catholic school. I believe the sole reason was to hurt Flora and gain control over her. At the mass Gill took communion - I was sickened.

There were several people at Flora's house who urged her to pursue charges against Gill. There was even talk about a restraining order, I lost the thread of that reasoning, but since it was suggested by people who work with her, I can only presume they have heard more "Gill" stories than me. At that time Flora was very reluctant, she said that the only good thing to come out of Matteo's death was that she wouldn't have to deal with Gill anymore - she was so tired of him, his controlling and manipulative ways. I can't say I blame her, but we all encouraged her not to give up and do it for the sake of Matteo and any other child Gill may have charge of in the future. Kevin and I left Flora's later in the evening and drank a couple of bottles of wine between us - I think we needed the Scottish/Irish method for grieving by then. Cindy stayed behind and we heard that Flora started going through Matteo's clothes. As expected she was very upset. My concern after hearing that was she was moving too fast.

Funeral Mass

Last Saturday there was a Mass for Flora's son Matteo, there we continued to see Gill in acting mode. He looked as if he was enjoying the attention. At one point he was walking down the isle and then remembered something, he clicked his fingers and turned around. I looked at Cindy, we couldn't believe it, it was like he was planning a wedding or some fun event.

St Francis Church was beautiful, it was next to St Francis school where Matteo attended. The streets were tree-lined and the place had a small college town feel - it must have been a nice place for Matteo. The priest who conducted the mass was a short round man in a brown monk's habit and had a very warm and calming voice. He almost broke down part way through the mass. The people we were standing with were all crying. There were so many people there. I had never been to a funeral mass before, but I have to say it was very nice. The music and things that people said about Matteo were beautiful. It was a very nice and spiritual way to say good bye to Matteo, and if there were no extraneous circumstances about his death, I truly believe that most people who attended would be able to move to the next stage of the grieving process. But the devil was at the mass too - Gill got up and talked about himself, how his grandfather had died 20 years ago, his father 22 months ago and now Matteo. He babbled on about airplanes because Matteo loved planes, but his emotion was so forced. This wasn't about him, it was about Matto and Gill's self-centered mind just couldn't comprehend that.

In the gym behind the church they had food and drink. Flora looked better than the day before, she seemed please to see so many people. There was an imaginary line in the room between Flora's family and friends, and Gill's family. At one point Gill's sister spoke with Flora. We heard afterwards that Flora had told her that her brother had killed Matteo, Gill's sister replied that she knew that. Yet there he was in his own happy world, mingling with people like it was a cocktail party. Cindy wanted to find Gill's mother so she could ask her if she knew what her son had done. I never heard if she did. We did hear that Gill's mother told Flora not to feel guilty. We have no idea what that meant, or what story Gill told her.

Rosary for Matteo

Last Friday I went to Sacramento alone. I met up with Kevin when I got there and we shared a rental car. As luck would have it, we met Flora's friend Cindy who was staying in the same hotel. So the 3 of us spent a lot of time together talking and crying. It was very nice to see old friends.

I went to the rosary with Kevin. The biggest shock happened when we walked in and I was waiting to sign the condolences book - Matteo's father Gill walked over and thanked me for coming. I couldn't believe he was there, I felt he had no right to be there. Throughout the rosary he was quiet but did not look distraught, I never saw him cry or show any real emotion. Flora looked as you might have expected; totally devastated. She would compose herself and then breakdown. When I first spoke with her I could hardly speak for tears so we just hugged. I still cannot image how she is feeling or coping, I have been pretty distraught all week myself and I'm not even a mother. After crying with her I managed to spit out that if she needed anything or just wanted to call she could anytime. She then cried that sometimes it was really hard. It was so upsetting to see her pain and the hell she was enduring. I was helpless and wanted to think of something to say but I couldn't, what can you say? There was a line that led from Flora on to Gill so you could give your condolences to him. I went and sat back in a pew as I did not want to speak to him, let alone have him hug me...which he was doing to everyone in line. Later Kevin told me that he has asked him what happened, because at that time, things were still a little unclear; Matteo died in Gill's care, he didn't call an ambulance, he took 5 hours to call Flora. From the pew I could see that familiar calm Gill attitude and hand gestures, it sickened me. Kevin looked as if he was trying to get something of substance out of him, but Gill was in full acting mode. He showed no remorse. He had accepted what had happened and was going along with the grieving party that the Tassone family had planned.

We left the funeral home and went for dinner. I hadn't wanted to go as I didn't want to intrude on an event that was not my religion and a very personal private thing. Afterwards I was please I went to show support for Flora. I also found it very comforting, the priest had a very nice calming voice, and you could just tell he had a very nice soul, I was shocked at the warmth I felt from his voice. Later I found out he was Matteo's favorite teacher.

My Aunt

I found out last week my aunt is sick. They have found some problems with her lungs, a nodule, a shadow and a pneumothorax. It's hard to be positive.

I remember looking at the heart monitor from my Dad, just after lectures on the biochemistry of MIs and how cell necrosis can affect blood enzymes and wave patterns. Everyone was trying to be as positive, but I just knew, I could see the left ventricle wasn't doing anything.

They operated on my aunt last week, but I haven't heard anything.

Flora's son Matteo

http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/90016.html

A 5-year-old Sacramento boy died after falling from a lift at the Aerospace Museum of California in McClellan Park, authorities said. Matteo Wright had gone to the museum with his father Sunday afternoon, when the museum was closed, authorities said. The father, a volunteer at the museum and an avid mountain climber, brought climbing gear with him and hoisted his son on the lift with a harness, according to Sacramento County Sheriff's Department spokesman Sgt. Tim Curran.

According to authorities, the hoist broke and the boy fell. The father took his son to UC Davis Medical Center, where the boy died Tuesday, authorities said. Curran said the death is under investigation, but criminal charges against the father are unlikely.

Roxanne Yonn, a spokeswoman for the museum, said the lift, which was used to hoist jet engines and other heavy equipment, was in a hangar near the main building and that a volunteer was working in the hangar at the time of the accident.
-- Ryan Lillis

Daisy

Daisy, my Mum's cat died. She outlived my Mum by 10 years to live to be almost 19. She was a pretty active cat right up until the end, even though she had diabetes for the last 2-3 years and had to have steroid shots, every month or so, for an undetermined skin problem. She used up all her nine lives and is hopefully sitting with my Mum, and watching over us.

Two hours before my brother called to tell me the news I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I was in the kitchen and the feeling stopped me dead in my tracks.