My Birthday

Today is my birthday. My husband forgot and left the house this morning as usual. My msn page wished my happy birthday, so at least someone remembered.

I got a pretty funny joke link today -
Storewars

I get so many joke e-mails

I get so many joke e-mails, I think I'll start posting them here...that way I can start to clean out my huge e-mail inbox.


Restroom signs:

Friends don't let friends take home ugly men Women's restroom; Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away. Perkins Library; Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Armand's Pizza; Washington, DC

Remember, it's not, "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?" Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. The Bayou; Baton Rouge, LO

No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. Men's Room; Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

At the feast of ego everyone leaves hungry. Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea; Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. Written in the dust, on the back of a bus; Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war. Hell, do both, GET MARRIED! Women's restroom; The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT

If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. Books; New York, New York.

If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! Men's restroom; House of Representatives, Washington, DC

Express Lane: Five beers or less. Sign over one of the urinals; Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him. over mirror in Women's restroom; Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in Men's restroom; Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, CA

and the all time favorite,

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom; Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

Doctors & Guns

Doctors:
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.

Now think about this:

Guns:
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S.is 80,000,000. (Yes, that's 80 million..)
(B) Accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of FBI.

So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
A concerned citizen...