Gloomy

Took my cat to the vets yesterday. He has renal failure and probably won't last the year. This will make 2003 the loss and death year. I hope 2004 is healthier.

7 Years

Friday will be 7 years since my mother died. Tomorrow would have been her birthday. With the death of a friend, friend's parents, in-laws and kids recently, I can't help but grieve more this year. I would have thought that by now I would have had the strength to do The Race for the Cure - I don't. I'm not strong like people I know, who can do things in a lost one's name, and be brave through it all. I try so hard, but I know the minute I saw all the banners, survivors and people running in memory I would crumble into a weeping heap.

So, this year I will do what I have done in past years since my mothers death. I will not speak of my loss, I will not tell workmates. I will not surround myself with people who are involved in the disease that killed my mother. I will think of her in my own time. I will do it my way.

Sometimes it's hard to figure out why things happen. My friend just lost her son in a car crash on Thursday. He was a passenger and in the wrong place at the wrong time. I met him one Thanksgiving, he was a very nice person. His funeral was today.

I got a full-time job!
I feel quite bad, no really! I know people who have been unemployed for months and some for over a year. And when they got a job they had to take one that they were over qualified for and for a lower salary. I got the perfect job, within 3 months of looking, I'll be managing perfect projects, good drive to work and a nice hourly rate thank-you-very-much!
I start the 22nd.

So, I celebrated 14 years in the states. I almost forgot the date. It's amazing to think of all the things that have happened...and all the things that are still the same; I still have the same cat I came over with and I'm still 6lbs from my goal :-)

Wow, Tempist Fugit!
Well not too much has happened since my last entry.
Still 6lbs from my goal - yeah I know "broken record".
I'm still doing some contract for for Moxie, and I have received a couple of unemployment checks, so between the two I am managing to pay bills. I have been applying for jobs from the paper, via friends and online. It's a tough market out there, but there are a few possibilities on the horizon.
I had a burst of activity with stained glass and started making terrariums. They are pretty cool, if I say so myself. I really think I need a website. There is also a woman who wants to sell some of my stuff on her website, so one day I may actually sell something. That would be nice, even if I just cover my costs it would be an achievement.

Still 6lbs from my goal, but I feel a sense of achievement as I haven't put on any weight since I was laid off at the end of June.
I have also not received any unemployment checks, nor have I received any checks from the small amount of freelance work I have done. I hoped that between the two I would have enough to pay my part of the mortgage. There are two weeks to go, I hope I get something.

I am trying to make some stained glass crafts to sell over the holidays. It's quite disheartening as it takes me about a week (probably 8 hours during the evenings) to make 4 candle holders that I could probably sell for $20 a pop; not a very lucrative business as I will have to pay to display the crafts somewhere and there is no guarantee that anyone will buy my wonderful creations.

My New Year resolution was to lose 8 lbs by my birthday or September. Well, my birthday has long gone, so the race is on to do it by September. This week I am 6 lbs from my goal...which is better than 10 lbs. It's more difficult now that I am at home most of the time and only a short walk from the kitchen fridge. I really have to make an effort, I've been bouncing between 6 and 10 lbs from my goal all year!

Life without a real job continues to be interesting and stressful. I have a a few small contracts which is good as I just found out I am not entitled to any unemployment insurance for 3 weeks because I got 11 vacation days when the company folded. I have been doing about 10 billable hours a week...which ends up taking up 30 hours of my time. I will have to be much more efficient and not go "over and above the call of duty" when I'm only being paid for adequate!

I found out today that a friend I knew in high school died. She had a brain tumor.
I knew that she was ill, but you always feel you have to think positive. This may be an aggressive tumor, but Aileen had the strength and willpower to fight it; if anyone was going to kick this Aileen was. I thought of her on July 4th, her birthday, never thinking that she she was feeling bad. I thought of high school when we were walking from one building to another; it had been snowing and someone was throwing snowballs at us. One of the science teachers took a photo of us hiding from the missiles behind an umbrella. I have that photo somewhere, it's a large black and white. I thought of the youth fellowship we used to go to and the time she got contacts and cut her hair. I remember Alan Dixon doing a double-take when he saw her. I remember meeting her at the students union; what a wild woman, full of life. In a time when I had so many insecurities, she looked like she had it all worked out. She was in control and loving it.
She died yesterday and left two children and a husband.

Hmmm

My first week of unemployment was rather busy. A lot of time was spent researching 1099 employment; I am really going for it. The way I see it, the chances of getting a job in my state are pretty minimal, so I might as well get myself ready for the long haul; some small contracts here and there could (or "should") keep me going better than unemployment. I have already invoiced Moxie for three small project management projects, not enough to make a difference to unemployment, but I have to start somewhere.

Still 8lbs to my goal :-)